It was not a pretty sight either. Lots of fighting, crying, yelling, and fits of rage. You name it….we did it. I did it. I was not willing to be vulnerable.
After reading many books on how to save my marriage, the main theme was always this. “If it is to be…it is up to me”. If you want change in your life, marriage, relationship, career, it is all up to you.
Through my study of how to have the “perfect” marriage, I learned about how important it was for my husband and family to see my softer side, my imperfect side. (silently cringe)
It was not an easy road and I am sad to say I did not make it easy for him to love me. He literally had to use a sledgehammer to get through to my heart. I had been hurt so many times and in so many ways that I had, by the age of 40, built quite a large wall of stone around my heart.
I found that I could feel true love for my children but when it came to anyone else. Especially my husband. I was very closed off. I believed that I did not care either way if he left me or not. I would be fine on my own.
A good friend in Christ pointed something out and said “If you can’t feel love for your husband, how can you love God?” She was right. My heart was a steal trap, a concrete wall, a vault. I claimed to love God but how could I really love when I did not truly love my husband. Marriage signifies the relationship between Christ and his church? Oh my! I had to do something about this.
For me it was a program at church that addressed my issues of codependency that help to start to tear down this wall, but mainly it was God and my willingness to be vulnerable. I hated it at first. Showing my husband my weakness. Being humble, and a more quiet and gentle person. It also meant that even if I knew I was right about something it was better to drop it than cause a fight. It went against every fiber of my being. But slowly….God changed my heart, and then my marriage.
The reward was so much sweeter than any wife could imagine. A husband who made a complete 360 change. He was much kinder, gentler, and if he wasn’t, I could talk to him about it, and he would actually listen and try to do better. What happened with our relationship was this. A miracle.
First I made changes; to be more kind, more considerate, more gentle, and loving, and show him my softer side, even when I didn’t want to. I cultivated a deeper respect for him by looking to his better side. I showed him respect by not arguing about everything he wanted to do, and thinking about his needs before my own. Within a few weeks we had a different relationship completely.
We have had A LOT of help through the years since this transition, and at times, I’ve not been at my best, nor he at his. But what is different is that we are able to work through issues without the sledgehammer.
My charge for you today is to allow yourselves to be vulnerable. Let down a little and just see how differently people react to you. This is not only important in your relationship with your husband but also with relationships in general; parents, children, co-workers and friends.
If you would love for this kind of change in your own life, but are not sure how to go about doing it I welcome you to learn more about the specific steps I took to change my marriage.
Click this link to learn more about my May-June Program – an 8-week online class entitled;
Next Class Begins May 3rd – Tuesday Night at 8pm Central. **Classes are recorded so you can listen anytime.
The “Become Captivating” 8-week series will help you develop a noble character in the following areas: Purity, self control, inner happiness, righteous living, honesty, strength, courage, and endurance. The result will be to create a feeling of confidence you have never felt before and awaken the love of your husband.
The classes will look into the characteristics of the Captivating Woman.
• Module 1 – Intro to “Become Captivating” • Module 2 – A Captivating Woman is Strong • Module 3 – A Captivating Woman is Admired • Module 4 – A Captivating Woman is Happy • Module 5 – A Captivating Woman is Feminine • Module 6 – A Captivating woman is Grateful • Module 7 – A Captivating Woman is Sensual • Module 8 – A Captivating Woman Awakens love
2 – 50-minute 1:1 sessions – In-Person or via Phone or Video Chat
Class Materials – Printable, Word or pdf versions – Provided via Facebook Private Group or email.
Cost $184. – 8-week program – Starts May 1st – if you sign up early, save your spot, you can save $$$! Sign up now for big Savings!
Jennifer Cross, MS, LPC, CHC, Counselor, Speaker, Life Coach who helps woman to achieve a happy, healthy lifestyle that is flexible, fun and long-lasting. Jennifer provides a personalized road-map to health and wellness that suits each unique body, lifestyle, and set of goals. Click here to continue or begin your health journey with Jennifer.